When I was pregnant with my daughter, it was the most amazing and most frustrating time of my life. My head was filled with all the questions and irrationality’s that a new mom could possibly think of. What is the gender? I hope it is a girl. I hope it is a boy. Do you like this name? What about the middle name? How will I know I picked the right name? What will the baby look like? Oh my, the baby is the size of a lemon this week! Guess what, we are more than half way done. Does birth hurt? How will I know when I go into labor? What breathing technique do I use? What did the lady say in the birthing class again? You get the idea as the list goes on. No one could have prepared me enough to have my daughter. No one’s pregnancy or birthing experience is the same or less/more difficult than the other. We are all created to have babies and are built with natural instinct’s that will guide us through our own individual experience of what it takes to have a baby. I say this knowing there is a lot of gray with that statement as we know not everyone can have babies naturally. Whether it is the mother or the father that is incapable; no one is to blame when it comes to infertility issues. At the end of the day you will still love your spouse no matter what. Sometimes at the end of the day, you realize that you are meant to be a mom or a dad; even if that means being a single mom or dad. There are couples who’s relationship is defined in a way that they are just not able to have a baby because there are two daddies or two mommies. Overall, in some people’s world’s having a baby means making a baby a little different compared to the ‘natural’ way of conception. To me that is ok.
When I was pregnant with Lexie, my pregnancy was overall pretty amazing. She grew accordingly, and so did I. We had no health issues or concerns. When it came to the big event, it was the best experience of my life. The only issue we had was the fact that I had to be induced to prompt labor. I was only in labor for 7 hours total; even with the help of potassium and an epidural (which are known elements to slow labor down). The room was filled with jokes and laughter; even in-between pushes. The point I am trying to get at is that I am good at being pregnant and having a baby. When I held Lexie for the first time, when I took her home those first few nights, that first bath, the first smile, the first everything… those were the moments that were priceless. Those were the moments that make life worth it. I would hold her every night and look into her big blue eyes. She would stare back at me. I knew that her life was in my hands and that I am responsible for this tiny human. Those moments were moments that I could not imagine not having. I choose to do surrogacy because I had to give a family those big blue eyes to look at each night. I choose to do surrogacy because I could not imagine a life without my daughter, so why should anyone else not have that privilege?
I know that going into my surrogacy journey that I am helping a family create a family and giving happiness and every other emotion to a family. I understand that this pregnancy things are going to be a little different. When I say a little, I mean a lot different. I know that the baby inside me is not genetically mine or even related to me. I know in the end when I give birth the baby will be handed over to its intended parent(s). I know that I will be carrying this life inside me for a possible 40 weeks and I will go home after my hospital stay empty handed. See that is the thing, to me, I am not going home empty handed. I am going home with a big heart knowing that family got the baby that they had been dreaming of for however long. I am sure the will be apart of me that will be a little sad, do not get me wrong. I mean I have no idea how I will feel in the end. I can only imagine that my eyes will be filled with tears of joy as I see my intended parent(s) hold that baby for the first time as their hearts are filled with so much love for that baby. I know that I am a strong enough woman to have a baby and be able to give the baby to its family. That does not make me a cold hearted person or less of a person when it comes to emotions. I know in the end that I did the right thing and that I was able to create and give life to a family that could not of done it without me. How awesome is that? How awesome is that technology has come so far that the village it takes to raise a baby can also be the same village to help make babies? I think it is pretty damn cool if you ask me.
I know for me during my journey I want to keep my intended parents as much apart of it as possible; even if they do not live in the same state. If they can they will be at every baby doctor appointment (in person, via skype, or me sending them a video of the appointment). I will send them weekly reminders of how big the baby is. I will send them picture or videos of my belly and how big I have gotten. My belly is now their belly so touching is not limited, but encouraged. I want them to know that I have a pair of head phones that go over my belly so if they want to sing to the baby, read to the baby or even just talk to the baby that they have that privilege. I will let them know how I am feeling and when I feel the first kick. I want them to be just as involved as if they were the one pregnant. This is just as much of their pregnancy as it is mine. It is not about me anymore. I have prepared myself to add my intended parent(s) to my life for the duration of my pregnancy and however long they want to stay in touch with me. I want them to be comfortable enough to call me at 2 am because they had a bad dream about the baby or they had a good dream about the baby and they want to share that with me. I want them to be comfortable enough with me so that they know their baby is safe. I am an open book and I will go above and beyond to make this journey for them just as remarkable as it will be for me. I will make it just as remarkable as it was when I was pregnant with Lexie. I had every privilege given to me when I was pregnant so why should my intended parent(s) have anything less? I am not saying this journey is going to be easy, but I am also not saying it will not be hard. I am sure it will have its bad moments as I am sure it will be filled with many great moments. Tears will be shared, moments will be shared, feelings will be shared.
It is important for me to become a surrogate mother for a family because I want to help make a dream a reality for a family. I want to give my 110%. Every step of pregnancy is remarkable; From the doctor appointments, to the test, from the heartburn and the nausea, from the pants got to tight and every sleepless night, from the I am eating for two to the I really do not need another piece of cake, from the tears of joy and the tears of fear, from the hormones of mixed emotions of watching She said Yes to the Dress all of it is worth it. As the surrogate mother and the intended parents to be, we all have one mission: to deliver a healthy baby, or babies, to make one cohesive family.