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Surrogacy Boards

**Explicit language ahead**

**This is not about cycle groups as they are more close and personal**

**This is not about ALL surrogates, only if the shoe fits**

I am probably going to kick myself in the butt after this, but rant/vent ahead. As we all know, when you are a part of a specific community or club, there is groups designed for just those purposes so you are surrounded by people with the same interest or ideas. Obviously, I am on my way to become a surrogate. With the transfer date right around the corner, I am more than ecstatic about the process and my point of view of the journey. As you can imagine as everyone’s pregnancy is different, every surrogacy journey is different. With having days in and out of happiness and positivity, I am quickly shut down with negativity. Let me tell you what I mean. I post about everything I do or what is happening in my journey. I see people asking questions on needing answers on if they can be a surrogate and how they can apply. When is the best time to become a surrogate? I mean the list goes on. As I am 100% new to all things related to surrogacy, I try to help the best I can from the research I have done or from what my agency has told me when I have asked those similar questions. I understand I do not know it all. I understand that I do not hold all the answers when it comes to IVF. However, when it comes to knowing what it is like to be pregnant, at least in the United States that is a requirement to be a surrogate, that is something we can all relate to. Whether someone has only had one child or five children, as a surrogate, we all know what it is like to carry and experience a child. Well not in the surrogate world. Surrogate boards, if allowed, are the most ridiculing boards that make your jaw drop with the things that are said. Let me tell you, surrogates can be the mingiest women to have ever bashed a person behind the screen of a computer or cell phone. They are quick to jump the guns and to start gutting out the negativity. I get it, some people say dumb things or make false assumptions about surrogacy. I am sure we have all experienced what it was like to be in the early stages of learning all about surrogacy, being the newbie or learning a new technique about surrogacy. We all had to find answers somewhere. What better is it to ask a surrogacy board a simplistic question when trying to figure out an answer; quick and easy as there are thousands of surrogates on these boards. Google is a best friend, yes, but sometimes getting real personal experience is even better. Surrogate boards are filled with so much negativity. You know what the answer to that is? That they are just being real and honest. That they are an informational group and not a support group. I can respect that statement, but there is a way to nicely tell someone the correct information, redirect or to just tell them to move on. To be an informational group should come with the factor of educating individuals. These boards are quick to over read post, to judge and to react without truly reading what the post is about. They read with their eyes closed as some people just listen to reply. These boards will twist and turn statements to benefit their own self esteem in needing to fulfill their drama meter for the day. They will put words in your mouth that you never even had as a thought. If you are a newbie, you are a fish drowning as they are trying to tell you that you are not a fish and you are wrong. If you dare to ask a question you will be bombarded with comments that will make you feel so belittled and embarrassed. These boards are no better than being in high school. The newbies are grouped in the corner walking through the door of the first day of being a freshman. Meanwhile the experienced surrogates are in the restrooms stalls giving swirlies to all the newbie’s. The boards have clicks; the newbies, the experienced, the American’s, the Canadian’s, the U.K, the researching (the list goes on). The maturity level in these boards are worse than a kindergarten level child nit picking and saying, “I know you are, but what am I?” Grown ass women bashing women left and right. Grown ass women with an ego bigger than the milky way. Grown ass women being proud of the comments as they tag all their surrofriends to help jump the original poster’s question. Heaven forbid someone have a different thought than anyone else or experience things differently than they did; if it was not how they experienced it then you are wrong. These boards can be horrible. Some surrogates can make you question their integrity. As I have received some amazing advice from these groups and met some amazing surromom’s, I am just as experienced in being the one to receive the hate from asking a question. As surrogate’s, we should all be in this together. We all need to help each other grow. We all need to have each other’s back’s in a fashion that doesn’t involve the negativity. Communication is key. Wording is key. How we talk to each other sucks sometimes. You can say whatever is on your mind, but to word it in a fashion that is educational and beneficial. Being a surrogate is not a pissing contest. It is not about who can have the most surrobabe’s or who is better. Being a surrogate as an individual is something I am proud of and will continue to post, share and like anything surrogacy. Being a surrogate as a community is something that I am embarrassed about.

2

HUGE UPDATE

There has been a lot going on and I have been too lazy to write my blog (Yes, I am to blame). On 4/08/17, Jane came into town as she has a appointment at CCRM. She invited me to come with her. I met her in Lonetree at a day time eatery called Snooze. It was a really fancy, yummy breakfast place. I got lemon filled blueberry pancakes. They were so delicious! At the appointment we learned some very important details about Jane’s embryos. I wish I could say, but for right now the details of the embryos are going to be left out until she tells me it is okay to release the information. She wants to make sure all her family knows as well as, make sure the transfer goes well before getting hopes too high in the event the transfer fails. In thus, I totally understand. This is her journey too and they are her embryos. All I will say is they look amazing! We also found out that we were able to move the transfer up by a whole month as we will not be doing the 3 weeks of birth control pills. It was great to see her for a few hours. Pretty exciting that the next time we will see each other is for the transfer.

The last thing I blogged about was waiting for the results of my mock. Well, great news! All went well. I went to CCRM on April 10th to find out that my uterine lining was at a 8 mm! That is exactly where we wanted it (needs to be between a 8 mm to 12 mm). After having passed the mock, I am now 110% cleared to be a surrogate with CCRM. How exciting!? Listed below is the email:

Hello everyone!

I hope that everyone had a great weekend!  Ashley came in for her lining check and labs today and everything looks great. Her lining was 8 mm, triple pattern (we like 8-12mm, triple) and her estradiol was 967 (we like >300).  As Ashley meets our requirements and has done all of her follow up regarding clearances that I can now officially grant medical clearance!!!  This means that we are good to schedule a transfer date. I did speak with [other donor nurse] and also with Ashley this morning and the game plan is to start her Prometrium tomorrow along with decreasing her patches so that we can get the May 15th transfer dates.  Ashley starting tomorrow I want you to go down to 2 patches ( you will still change 2 patches every other day just as you have been).  You will then start your Prometrium suppositories three times a day. You will do this for 10 days total. Once you have placed your last Prometrium suppository you will need to take off your 2 patches.  Please know that all of this is tentative based on when Ashley starts her period.

I have requested 5/15 but will not know until tomorrow morning once I get the confirmation that we have the date.  At that time I will send out a calendar for the FET along with instructions.  I don’t think it should be a problem as there are not very many people on that date. Ashley and I did discuss that Dr. Schoolcraft will not be there. [Jane], I know that your preference is for the earliest appointment time. I will put in that request but really have no control over that. We will know the transfer time 2 days prior as it depends on who all is stimulating and getting retrieved on when the transfers will be. They are usually later morning-afternoon.

I have ordered all of Ashley’s medications from Freedom and also her prenatal vitamin through VitaPearl. I will let you both know once they are ordered. Please watch for a phone call as Freedom will be calling [Jane] first for payment and then Ashley for delivery and then VitaPearl will be calling Ashley first and then [Jane].  Ashley is going to see if her insurance will cover any of the prenatal and then [Jane] you would be responsible for the co-pay if she has any left over.  As discussed, if her insurance does not cover anything then it should only be $25 a month.

I will also be decreasing Ashley’s vitamin D down to 2,000 IU once we get into her FET calendar. If you have any questions please let me know.

Best,

[Donor Nurse]

How exciting is that? Also, did you see where we talked about the sFET (single frozen embryo transfer) date? That is right, we have a date confirmed and ready to go. The count down is on. Jane and I are so excited. We are still in shock that this is all happening, now, all so fast. It feels so surreal to us. That is a good things as we are both in this together. Jane and I are ready to conquer anything that comes our way. Here is the other email:

Hello All~

I have received confirmation from our embryologist for an FET on Monday May 15th.  I have attached the Calendar and the Do’s and Don’ts for Ashley to review as these go into effect the day that she starts her Lupron on [April] 20th.  I sent Ashley’s orders via the patient portal.  Ashley I will be calling you to go over the calendar step by step to ensure that we are all on the same page.  Ashley my assistant Nicole can contact you to schedule your appointments on 5/1 and 5/9. Please let me know when the best time would be.  I am going to briefly outline the calendar above.

3/23: CD1

4/11: start Prometrium vaginally 3 times a day; Decrease to 2 patches still changing every other day

4/16: Start Lupron 10 units a day (you can pick AM or PM just once you pick one you need to be consistent) DO’S AND DON’T START (see attached)

4/20: LAST Prometrium; Remove patches after you have placed your last Prometrium suppository

We should expect CD1 around April 23rd  (this is a variable date and the below are tentative)

~4/25: Start patches changing the same time every other day; Lupron DECREASES to 5 units daily; start baby aspirin and prenatal vitamin daily

                  You will continue your patches every other day until instructed otherwise (8.5  weeks pregnant weaning starts)

~5/1: lining check and estradiol level (we will instruct any patch changes after lab results are received)

~5/9: lining check and lab draw

****RN WILL INSTRUCT ON ALL MEDICATIONS FOR BOTTOM OF CALENDAR AT THIS TIME DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING WITHOUT OUR DIRECTION****

Ashley you will need to be in Denver the day prior to the transfer.  We will not have a transfer time until 2 days before when we call with arrival time/ transfer time and transfer instructions.  [Jane] will also get a phone call with all transfer instructions.  The acupuncture is $250 and can be paid in cash, check, or card and will be performed in your room that the transfer is happening before and after. I will get all of the scheduling for the acupuncture taken care of.

All of the dates below April 23rd are tentative due to the fact that Ashley’s period could be shy and not come when we predict that it will.  We have built in a few days into the calendar to help aide in not having to change our dates much but we are at its mercy.  The variable is that Ashley’s lining might develop too quickly so we may need to move transfer up or not develop accordingly (she did great in her mock so we don’t anticipate this but you never know) and we may have to push the transfer out.  As discussed, it is ideal that travel arrangements are not made until after we are sure that we are going to start progesterone unless they are made with an airline that doesn’t charge change fees (like Southwest) or has traveler insurance.  It is very important that you read the fine print in the travelers insurance as some have clauses that exclude IVF patients.  Ashley your bed rest will then be the rest of the day of the transfer and then the whole following day.  You would be able to fly out the next day.  For example transfer on Monday: bed rest the rest of Monday, all of Tuesday and you would drive home on Wednesday.

Ashley, when would be the best time to call and review your calendar.

I know this is a lot of information.  Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions!

Best,

[Donor Nurse]

So much is happening right now. It is insane. I did not imagine it being so eventful. It is worth it though and I am so excited! I have started my vaginal suppositories x3 a day. Let me tell you they are not pretty. I feel constantly wet in the downstairs region. I will not go into further detail. If you want more feel free to ask, I will tell you ha! The most exciting part is having to do one of them at work. It is funny to see the look on my nurses face when I tell them I need to take a full, strict 30 min break. They ask why so I tell them. You would think it was the first time they ever heard of such a thing. The progesterone tablet takes 30 mins to fully dissolve so I was advised to rest for 30 mins to ensure my body absorbs it. This tablet is considered the end of my mock as we are awaiting my CD1. The progesterone tablet and the x2 patches every other day will help bring on my CD1 as they are acting like birth control working together.

End of the mock, but that start of the busy work started. My meds for the next, now, 29 days came in on Friday (see pic below). There was a lot happening in the package that I received, but I will get it organized and it will be okay. I also received my sFet schedule. To look at it seems overwhelming. However, if you look at it one day at a time, you realize it will be okay. The first day of the calendar starts on 4/16/17. In which I am to still change out my patches x2 every other day, do my vaginal suppositories, take my Vitamin D… now I have added x1 shot a day of 10 units of Lupron and a prenatal. I did my first shot and I survived. I will see if I can upload the video.

Have you seen the facelift on my blog site? It got embellished and I even added a Facebook page, Instagram and a Twitter. Feel free to check out the side bar and follow these pages as I will update my social media pages more often for faster, quicker updates. If you are using the app, you may not see the side bar so log in from chrome or on a desktop.

Surrobaby is already so loved by their momma Jane!

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The pics in order are  the medications I am on. Then the sFET instructions for my meds. When I was getting my lining checked and pom juice is a good beverage due to it is suppose to help with increasing the thickness of the uterus. The Easter basket Jane got me when she saw me at breakfast. I got her one too but I did not take a pic of it. However I did get her a book with a card as well as, some Easter candies. Then of course my social media pages, feel free to follow as well as, share my social media pages on your own personal pages or groups.

As always, feel free to reach out with any questions, comments or concerns you may have. Since I am a newbie and all, if I do not know the answer, I will find it.