Surrogacy Boards

**Explicit language ahead**

**This is not about cycle groups as they are more close and personal**

**This is not about ALL surrogates, only if the shoe fits**

I am probably going to kick myself in the butt after this, but rant/vent ahead. As we all know, when you are a part of a specific community or club, there is groups designed for just those purposes so you are surrounded by people with the same interest or ideas. Obviously, I am on my way to become a surrogate. With the transfer date right around the corner, I am more than ecstatic about the process and my point of view of the journey. As you can imagine as everyone’s pregnancy is different, every surrogacy journey is different. With having days in and out of happiness and positivity, I am quickly shut down with negativity. Let me tell you what I mean. I post about everything I do or what is happening in my journey. I see people asking questions on needing answers on if they can be a surrogate and how they can apply. When is the best time to become a surrogate? I mean the list goes on. As I am 100% new to all things related to surrogacy, I try to help the best I can from the research I have done or from what my agency has told me when I have asked those similar questions. I understand I do not know it all. I understand that I do not hold all the answers when it comes to IVF. However, when it comes to knowing what it is like to be pregnant, at least in the United States that is a requirement to be a surrogate, that is something we can all relate to. Whether someone has only had one child or five children, as a surrogate, we all know what it is like to carry and experience a child. Well not in the surrogate world. Surrogate boards, if allowed, are the most ridiculing boards that make your jaw drop with the things that are said. Let me tell you, surrogates can be the mingiest women to have ever bashed a person behind the screen of a computer or cell phone. They are quick to jump the guns and to start gutting out the negativity. I get it, some people say dumb things or make false assumptions about surrogacy. I am sure we have all experienced what it was like to be in the early stages of learning all about surrogacy, being the newbie or learning a new technique about surrogacy. We all had to find answers somewhere. What better is it to ask a surrogacy board a simplistic question when trying to figure out an answer; quick and easy as there are thousands of surrogates on these boards. Google is a best friend, yes, but sometimes getting real personal experience is even better. Surrogate boards are filled with so much negativity. You know what the answer to that is? That they are just being real and honest. That they are an informational group and not a support group. I can respect that statement, but there is a way to nicely tell someone the correct information, redirect or to just tell them to move on. To be an informational group should come with the factor of educating individuals. These boards are quick to over read post, to judge and to react without truly reading what the post is about. They read with their eyes closed as some people just listen to reply. These boards will twist and turn statements to benefit their own self esteem in needing to fulfill their drama meter for the day. They will put words in your mouth that you never even had as a thought. If you are a newbie, you are a fish drowning as they are trying to tell you that you are not a fish and you are wrong. If you dare to ask a question you will be bombarded with comments that will make you feel so belittled and embarrassed. These boards are no better than being in high school. The newbies are grouped in the corner walking through the door of the first day of being a freshman. Meanwhile the experienced surrogates are in the restrooms stalls giving swirlies to all the newbie’s. The boards have clicks; the newbies, the experienced, the American’s, the Canadian’s, the U.K, the researching (the list goes on). The maturity level in these boards are worse than a kindergarten level child nit picking and saying, “I know you are, but what am I?” Grown ass women bashing women left and right. Grown ass women with an ego bigger than the milky way. Grown ass women being proud of the comments as they tag all their surrofriends to help jump the original poster’s question. Heaven forbid someone have a different thought than anyone else or experience things differently than they did; if it was not how they experienced it then you are wrong. These boards can be horrible. Some surrogates can make you question their integrity. As I have received some amazing advice from these groups and met some amazing surromom’s, I am just as experienced in being the one to receive the hate from asking a question. As surrogate’s, we should all be in this together. We all need to help each other grow. We all need to have each other’s back’s in a fashion that doesn’t involve the negativity. Communication is key. Wording is key. How we talk to each other sucks sometimes. You can say whatever is on your mind, but to word it in a fashion that is educational and beneficial. Being a surrogate is not a pissing contest. It is not about who can have the most surrobabe’s or who is better. Being a surrogate as an individual is something I am proud of and will continue to post, share and like anything surrogacy. Being a surrogate as a community is something that I am embarrassed about.

9 thoughts on “Surrogacy Boards

  1. GoodNess I love your rawness on everything. I’ve done 2 transfers and off to my third one monday for the same IPs but now new and improved embroys so 3rd times a charm! I get IVF next Fri. I’m on 2 surrogacy fb groups and I was on 1 during my first IVF all the time reading and it wasn’t long until I saw the negativity and hate some people have. I understand people should read the basics before posting questions or research on the site before but some people don’t and will get bombarded quickly. The DRAMA is just like high school with a twist! I appreciate all you write about. The boob thing made me laugh because my 5 year old just commented that mine are growin bigger (I like getting bigger since mine are a small b cup) good luck to your journey and maybe we can talk more down the road since we’re both close to the same transfer date.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hello! Thanks for reading. I decided to post just because I have been the victim of “said” surrogates. Then I constantly see others being jumped. I am sick of it and I just had to express my feelings. I typically do not post this kind of blog, but it had to be done *in my mind.* when is your 3rd transfer? Feel free to message me on Facebook anytime or to comment on the blogs as well. I hope all goes well. How long till you get your beta? My RE is 9dpt.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Some of those “women” are down right nasty and they seem to be proud of themselves. I’ve seen them run off so many people for asking simple questions. They tried to come at me because I hope to have another baby after surrogacy. As though I’m not well aware of what can happen. I usually keep my distance and just read. And every single time I see a trigger questions all I can think is…oh goodness, this is about to go left 😂😂😂 I’m right about 95% of the time because the comments are already off when I click, smh.

    Liked by 1 person

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